The Ultimate Party: snack attack

As summertime draws closer it gets more important by the day to know how to instigate The Ultimate Party. Here at Mack to the Future we already provided Step 1 with our foolproof dance party guidelines. Now it's time to decide how to fuel and nourish your guests.

As everyone under the age of 40 knows, BYOB is a totally acceptable policy. Hello! We're in a recession here. But BYO snacks? That's just a sign that your mother didn't raise you right. A party without delicious snacks is a party that people are going to LEAVE.

[Authors note: candy and anything sweet is purely optional. There's a lot to be said for some well-timed Haribo. Do you.]

The real game is CHIPS.

1. Let's just get this out of the way and establish that when it comes to snacks there is non-negotiably One Chip To Rule Them All, and that is the Nacho Cheesier Dorito. This is not debatable. But variety is the spice of life, and besides, there are times when you don't want orange cheese dust on your fingers, i.e. when you're playing grab-ass with some hottie at P. Diddy's White Party (but enough about me).

2. And that's where Hint of Lime comes in. It's exotic, spicy, and not as universally adored as the Dorito, meaning that more chips per capita will be left for the true connoisseurs. (Eaters be warned: your fingers may not be bright orange but they will STILL be coated in delicious flavor crystals. Grope other partygoers with caution.)

3. Another party classic is The BBQ Chip. While appropriate for any party, barbecue chips are a MUST for any, and I mean ANY summer jam. The combination of bold flavor, delicious crunch, and nostalgia for outdoor picnics past make the bbq chip the must-have party snack for summer.

4. If you are feeling especially zesty (re: salty) and want to indulge in the tortilla chip, go balls to the wall. Go Scoops. Which brings us to:

5. An important note on dip: If you feel like you need the protein of hummus, then we can respect that, and neither of us would ever doubt the importance of salsa, queso, ranch, etc. However, at a real party there's no time for dipping, only furtive munching to be immediately followed up by more DANCING. In other words, putting out dip is an automatic signal to your guests that they won't be partying their hardest, and nobody wants that.

6. Okay use the pita chip if you MUST. This is accompanied by an eye roll, because pita chips, while delicious, are for daytime parties. And times when you want to feel healthy, i.e. NOT party time.

7. Bargain Barrel Chips: listen, we get it. Sometimes you're in a hurry and you just need to throw some chips in a bowl to keep people entertained. We're not going to tell you we're proud of you or anything, but sacrifices must be made and if the decision has to be between the perfect chip and the perfect playlist, well, you know where our priorities are. In these cases, we will accept the admission of both the Basic Lay and the Ruffle.


Oh, and when it comes to the following, just leave it in the cabinet: Fritos, Pringles, Bugles?... all delicious chips. NOT PARTY CHIPS.